"Manic elementary school teacher who is maybe drunk."
This is how I would describe my texting style. Ask any of my friends, and they'll tell you that my texts are aggressively enthusiastic—stuffed with exclamation points, emojis, and "XOXOs." Even in the most mundane conversation, I'll cake on the sparkle and shine. I'll even type "HAHAHA" when I'm not laughing. If I don't do that, the person I'm texting might feel weird, right?
The reason for my borderline psychotic digital alter-ego? I'm a habitual people pleaser. I never want to give the person I'm texting the impression that I'm angry or upset. Even when I have every right to be pissed, I'll mask my mood with gumdrops and fairies because confrontation terrifies me. It's much easier to swallow my emotions and use a heart-eye emoji than tell someone how I'm really feeling. My thumbs get a hell of a workout making sure everyone likes me.
PHOTO: Giphy
It's common knowledge that millennials prefer texting over legitimate human interaction, and I'm no exception. However, the lack of IRL communication has ultimately made me ill-equipped to handle uncomfortable conversations—in person or in text. And I know I'm not the only twenty-something on this ship. In fact, people in my age bracket are the only ones aboard. Non-millennials aren't afraid to type the truth on iMessage. It's just us babies who are, well, babies. Why have a stuttering, sweaty spat with someone when I can just gloss everything over with 19 exclamation points?
But constantly spewing rainbows and sunshine to keep awkwardness at bay wears on you after a while. Also, it doesn't feel authentic. Yes, I'm a happy person—and that's partially why I text the way I do—but, surely, I'm not happy all the time. For my sanity, I needed to find a digital happy medium—a texting style that satisfied both my enthusiastic personality and honest emotions. To get there, I had to do something extreme: text using only proper grammar and punctuation. For a week. Gulp.
I was terrified. Periods are the international texting symbol for "f—k you." If I started using them in my texts, not only would my friends feel awkward, they'd probably hate me. And there is nothing worse for a people pleaser than feeling disliked.
But I did it. And I went totally cold turkey. For one week (well, four days), I completely overhauled my digital communication, vowing to write only full sentences with proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. That meant only using an exclamation point when I was genuinely excited. It meant writing, "I'm cracking up" instead of "LOL." And, most challenging of all, it meant no emojis. At all. In one fell swoop, I went from the Teletubbies to Shawshank Redemption.
I won't lie: My initial plan was to ghost everyone. I'd delete all of my apps, turn off my phone, and hibernate for 96 hours. But then people might think I was dead, so that probably wasn't a good idea. And I couldn't avoid my mother's occasional text—only true descendants of garbage can ghost their parents. Thankfully, my mother's texts were infrequent, so my change didn't faze her at all. It was my friends who I really had to worry about.
My roommate, Katie, for example, also shares my fear of sounding too harsh via text. She and I spend hours psychoanalyzing our friends' texting patterns, so I knew she'd instantly notice my curt responses. Short-texting a fellow people pleaser felt savage AF.
So, I found a loophole: Avoid one-word texts. Those are what really stress us out. Writing details in my sentences would definitely warm them up. Maybe then she wouldn't think I was angry?
The first major test of this theory came when Katie texted me about American Horror Story. Instead of replying just "Yes" to her text asking me if I'd be home to watch the show, here is what I sent:
Please don't judge me for using the exclamation point. (Sarah Paulson is my queen, so I was actually pumped for the show.) Peppering the "Yes" with more words and adding the follow-up "It's going to be crazy" message worked on Katie. We kept texting like normal, thank God. I would've had a full-blown meltdown had she asked me if I was upset. (Remember, I loathe confrontation.)
This same methodology wouldn't work on my two best friends, however. If my digital alter-ego is a drunk second-grade teacher, my friend Ida's is a 6-year-old child hopped up on sugar at a skating rink. She is insanely peppy via text—probably for the same reasons I am, though I've never asked. When I ditched the delight in my DMs, she quickly noticed.
Meatier messages didn't work on Ida, so I tried a different method: ~love.~ I showered Ida with several, "I love you so much" and "I miss you like crazy" messages (sans emojis or exclamation points)—that worked. And the same thing worked on my friend, Taylor, too. (Taylor and I call each other "gal"—stemming from a deranged, Kim Kardashian-inspired inside joke—so using that word helped as well.)
Amazingly, none of my other pals noticed my change in text temperature, but I still shivered every time I sent a period. When I finally came clean, only one person admitted they secretly assumed I was mad at them. My friend, Alexa, thought I was making a conscious effort to sound more "sophisticated," which is hilarious. Yes, my people-pleasing mentality is a major reason behind my texting behavior; however, being so digitally buttoned-up also just didn't feel like me. I'm a naturally flamboyant and optimistic person. Stifling that shine—even via text—brought me back to my closeted days, when I spent every waking moment censoring my personality. It wasn't fun.
This epiphany changed everything. I started to see my colorful texting style in a totally different light. I love making people happy. That takes the form of people-pleasing, of course—and I need to work on that—but it's also a positive thing. Subconsciously, I digitally communicate the way I do to lift people's spirits and make them laugh or smile. That is a fundamental aspect of my personality—plain and simple. I didn't realize this before, but my method of digital communication is an expression of who I am. And I have a feeling yours is, too, if you look closely.
I reverted back to my old messaging ways after four days. But it wasn't all for nothing—I did realize a few things (and changed my behavior accordingly). For one, using exclamation points and emojis can be lazy ways to show emotion. It actually felt much more authentic literally telling my friends, "I love you" instead of just sending 17 big heart emojis in a row. Now, I do both. (You can pry the big heart emoji from my cold, dead hands!) The experiment forced me to to pay more attention to my digital interactions and be intentional with my language. Oddly enough, I was more present with my friends during those four days than ever before because I had to fully digest their messages. I'm still doing that now, but with my added Chris Rosa flair. It's weird: using periods in texts for a week, oddly, made me a better friend. Who knew?
But I haven't used one since. Let's not get carried away.
Source: http://www.glamour.com/story/texting-using-only-proper-grammar-for-a-week-was-the-hardest-thing-ive-ever-done
No comments: