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When you’re little, there’s serious pressure to pick someone as your best friend. Once you do, you swap friendship bracelets, spend all your time together, and declare to the world that this is your other half…until, you know, you reach dating age.
But when you get older and start dating, you learn that you can’t necessarily get everything from one person—and it’s probably not a good idea to lean on your S.O. all the time. So doesn't that apply to friendships, too? Is having a best friend really smart when you’re past grade school?
Experts say no. “It's definitely not a good idea to have a ‘best’ friend in adulthood,” says relationship psychologist Karin Anderson, Ph.D. “It places too much pressure on one person and implies this person should meet more of your needs than is reasonable.”
Licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?, says that doesn’t mean you can’t have several close friends. After all, she says, you can have a bunch of best friends without singling out one person…which can make your other friends feel like crap anyway. “A small group of people you consider 'best' friends may provide confidants, consistency, and unconditional support—especially in a day and age when more people are not getting married or in committed relationships,” she says.
Of course, it’s natural to be closer to certain friends or one friend at a particular time in your life, but Anderson says that’s because each of our relationships have unique dynamics that fulfill different needs in our lives. Meaning, you may be closer to your buddy who is a good listener when you’re going through a breakup as opposed to your friend who loves to party all the time—that’s just life.
But it’s also important to see your friends for who they are and the needs they fill in your life. “Recognizing the strengths your friends possess ensures you won't expect them to be people they aren't,” Anderson says, adding that each of your friends’ strong suits “has its time and place.”
Durvasula notes that there really is no reason to single out one friend as your “best” one anyway. Unlike most intimate relationships, “the beauty of friendships is that they are not socially contracted to be monogamous,” she says.
In fact, Durvasula says one of the reasons friendships are so good for you is there’s no cultural expectation that you should get everything from one person. “Friendships are a very healthy part of life and often stick with us more consistently and healthily than any other kind of relationship,” she says.
So while you might have thought your elementary school BFF was your everything back then, you’re probably lucky enough to have a whole army of friends like that now—and that’s everything.
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Source: http://www.glamour.com/story/why-you-shouldnt-have-a-best-friend
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