Hometowns are always a little bit insufferable—how many times can we watch two barely-acquainted people clutch each other's thighs in front of somebody's grandma? Tonight, though, JoJo's quadruplet suitors took the staple episode to new lows. I knew things weren't going to go well when Chase cried a single tear, and things went on to bottom out gloriously at the Rodgers household. Let's review:
Most monotone genes: Chase and his dad What is going on with these two? If you closed your eyes, it was like hearing someone on the local news using voice-disguising technology being interviewed by somebody else using voice-disguising technology.
Most disappointed by Jordan's hometown: Me Because this whole time I thought he was saying "Chino," not "Chico." The second I saw deer and sweet little creeks, I knew I had made a mistake. Sandy Cohen never pulled Ryan Atwood out of no babbling brook.
Most predictable hometown jaunt: Jordan takes JoJo to school Jordan wants to go to his high school? You don't say. Jordan has to get there an hour early to turn a random back office into a photo shrine to his family? I buy it. Jordan needs JoJo to see the place where he was first voted "Most likely to someday look like the inflatable dancing man outside a car dealership?" Makes perfect sense.
Excellence in root volume: All the Rodgers My god, there was not a soul around this table whose hair had not been teased into a legitimate tsunami. Turns out that when it comes to Jordan's signature hairstyle, he quite literally got it from his mama.
Weirdest use of airtime: the Rodgers brothers feud NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers, brother of Jordan, was not in attendance for the hometown date. JoJo asked Jordan if she shouldn't talk about him and he said it was OK, so then she didn't stop talking about him, demanding a status update on the relationship from both Jordan and his other brother, Luke. Wrong, wrong. Wrong all the way around. How about the Rodgers deal with their family stuff off-camera, and how about JoJo doesn't try to psychoanalyze all of them on her first trip to their home?
Best way to startle your significant other awake: This photo Set your alarm for 5:45 a.m. tomorrow, then hold this image close to the face of the one you love until they open their eyes, becoming, in the next split second, forever damaged, forever changed.
Best hot-mess family: Robby's Robby's family has clearly been hammered for hours when he and JoJo show up. They've all put their plastic wine glasses inside plastic tumbler glasses. Plus Robby and his brothers dress and part their hair like they are perpetually on call, ready to fill in on any "Grease Lightning" number across the country.
Closest conversation: Robby and JoJo Not sure they could hear what they were saying to each other, but I'm quite sure they smelled the entire conversation loud and clear.
Worst at surprises: Luke Without abandoning a tone that implies he hates JoJo and the world at large a little bit, Luke keeps saying he "has a surprise" for JoJo. By my count, the complete list of these surprises included: bales of hay covered in blankets and lanterns that Luke had nothing to do with procuring, the world's first pig roast/humblebrag (Luke casually talks about having "50 friends" as the smoker rages), and the revelation that he truly does sound Dayquil'd up 24/7. No wonder the producers were like, "I guess we'll just film you down at the old trainyard."
Source: http://www.glamour.com/story/bachelorette-recap-jojo-fletcher-hometowns
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