My husband and I tried to live together, like most people do, before we were married.
We hated it.
It was a unique brand of hate—the type of deep displeasure that only exists when your two favorite things combine to equal something surprisingly shit. Like warm brie and a latte.
Most people would tell you that if you can’t live with someone you definitely shouldn’t marry them. But I wasn't prepared to skip soft cheeses or say farewell to my favorite caffeine treat. Our solution? My partner moved to an apartment five blocks away. Yes, we sometimes run into each other at the grocery store and it's freaking cute.
It’s true this arrangement isn’t for everyone, given that the majority of people seem to cohabitate quite happily. But for those of you struggling to make it work, consider this:
You won’t take the little things your partner does for granted, because you’re doing them for yourself most of the time
Last night, as I settled in for an evening on my couch, I realized I had left the remote control on the other side of the room. Naturally, I proceeded to look around me for materials to fashion a claw-like device with which to retrieve it. I was unsuccessful. I then spent an additional minute making absolutely sure I couldn't summon it with my mind (spoiler alert: I definitely couldn't). After I finally got up, walked the three steps to get it, and got comfortable again, I thought about the times my partner has grabbed me a glass of water or handed me my phone when it was barely out of reach. Tiny gestures like these remind you that being part of a team—with a partner, a bestie, your family, or even your dog—feels awesome.
You'll remember how much you love surprises
Surprises are much easier to orchestrate. I can have Amazon deliver a gift to my apartment and not worry that my partner will see it. I can choreograph a dance so that when the song randomly comes on the radio I can bust out what witnesses might describe as an “unexpected yet entirely transformative rendition of 'Call your Girlfriend'” (they didn't, and it definitely wasn’t). Other times, it’s as simple as surprising your partner with clean laundry or a latch to stop the closet door from hitting you in the face. Surprises are the perfect antidote to the tough work of everyday life.
You can regularly pull out all the stops when you masturbate
I’m talking about those nights when you really take your time with it. Let’s be honest, if you enjoy porn, it takes a good 20 minutes to find something that doesn't infuriate you, let alone something that gets you off. Having the luxury of time and space (I like to treat the whole bed like a picnic rug and lay out all the things I might need) makes masturbating a real pleasure. Plus, it gives me the opportunity to try out new things free from the anxiety that someone might come home early and walk in on me in an Elsa costume.
You’re forced to be flexible when planning for the future (and have honest conversations about what’s working and what's not)
My partner and I plan to have kids. And because we are fortunate enough to prioritize our spending on keeping two apartments, we plan to keep the arrangement we have now. The idea, at this point, is to have him move into my apartment, and for his to be our mutual “safe house” —a refuge to find a few minutes of solitude whenever we can get it (which might realistically be never). Is it a perfect plan? Absolutely not. Are we being wildly naive because neither of us has any experience at all with kids? Absolutely, yes. But the point is we talk about it honestly. We are open to finding a solution that works for both of us—no matter how strange it might seem to others.
You can change your mind!
You might be thinking, "that's so much work for something that might suck," and you would be absolutely correct. Experimenting with your living arrangements requires a lot of money, time and energy (both emotional and physical). But what better way to spend your effort if not in creating your own definition for a happy marriage?
Source: http://www.glamour.com/story/can-everyone-please-stop-freaking-out-that-my-husband-and-i-dont-live-together
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