Stocksy
I have had sex on the beach exactly once in my life, and it was a terrible experience.
Not because I ejaculated prematurely or because the person with whom I was having beach sex turned out to be a horrible human being (even though both of those are true)—but because of the venue.
My then-girlfriend and I decided to try it because pop culture had led us to believe it was something everyone should try—something to check off our sexual bucket list that would surely be a sensual bout of coital bliss. There’s a terrible-tasting and not-at-all-potent cocktail named after the act, and there’s a whole slew of songs that endorse it.
The reality is, though, that despite its glorification, the beach is not a great place to bang one out.
Here are a few reasons why:
1. There is terrible, terrible sand everywhere
Why would you want to have sex in sand? Sand’s the worst. It gets in all of your nooks and crannies, and it has a tendency to stay there, which is unpleasant. And it sticks the worst on wet areas which, if you’re doing it right, there are going to be a few of during sex. Then, once it’s stuck to you, the friction that comes with sand and skin rubbing together is uncomfortable at best and downright painful at worst.
2. It's supposed to be spontaneous, but it can't be
While scheduled sex can be hot, a big part of the allure of sex on the beach is that it's spur-of-the-moment (after all, the whole idea is you couldn't wait to get inside to get it on). But there's the inherent contradiction with sex on the beach: It doesn’t lend itself to spontaneity. You’re going to want to bring a towel or blanket—and some things to weigh the edges down so the wind doesn’t blow the blanket all over the place. Then you’ll have to find a secluded place. After a while, it feels like you’re doing it just to say you did it.
3. It’s illegal
I admit it can be a rush to have sex in a place where you’re not supposed to be doing it, but the nagging thought that you could be caught at any time can be anxiety-inducing. And trust me—people get caught. I spent a couple of years in my early 20s working for a newspaper in a beach resort town, where part of my daily responsibilities were to check the police blotter for notable crimes. People would often get busted for having sex on the beach. Sometimes I would even have to write blurbs about these for the paper, which means your getting caught and cited for having sex would be out there on the Internet for future employers and in-laws who decide to Google you. And if you’ve seen the latest season of Orange Is the New Black, then you know that, if you get caught, the consequences can get serious...and you may even have to register as a sex offender.
4. There are bugs, crustaceans, and who even knows what else?
Bugs are rampant on the beach at night, and they won’t hesitate to bite you in the a**. Then there are cigarette butts, shards of broken glass, and other types of detritus you really don’t want touching your naked body. There’s also all kinds of other creatures lurking in or above the sand. It all adds up to one thing: It's better to get your booty indoors.
5. It’s bad for your precious, delicate genitals
I don’t know about you and your vagina, but a rule I live by is to not injure my penis if it can ever be avoided. We’ve already covered the chafing angle, but that’s only one of the potential problems that could befall your privates as a result of beach sex. A friend of mine who has a self-proclaimed "resilient vag" caught a bacterial infection from having sex on the beach. She says it was not pleasant at all and took weeks to recover from.
So can we all acknowledge that sex on the beach isn’t actually all it’s cracked up to be now?
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Source: http://www.glamour.com/story/sex-on-the-beach
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